Meanwhile, in Thailand…

CASHFLOW OVER CLOUT!

A comic-strip guide to boring yield, written by a goblin who is a few levels ahead and shows every number. Boring yield is his lane, not a law — yours might be growth.

A goblin in a suit and shades, holding a coin
If it doesn’t pay me while I sleep, I’m not impressed.
If it doesn’t pay me while I sleep, I’m not impressed.

A comic-strip guide to boring yield, from a goblin a few levels ahead who shows every number. Boring yield is his lane, not a law.

Start at Level 0See the ledger
The goblin’s income, every month£3,115from dividends. Started at £0. See the ledger
New here?

Never bought a share? Perfect. Start at Level 0, work out whether growth or income suits your paycheque, and make a first buy without a single rocket emoji.

Start at Level 0

PICK YOUR LEVEL

Everyone starts at zero

Wealth Goblin is a ladder, not a leaderboard, and every rung is the same whether you’re buying growth, an index or income. Find the rung you’re on, read the guides for it, ignore the rest until you get there. The italics are how the goblin did it — an example, not an instruction.

LVL 0Hatchling
LVL 1Scavenger
LVL 2Hoarder
LVL 3Collector
LVL 4Cave Lord · goblin is here
LVL 5Wealth Goblin
LVL 0HatchlingNothing invested yet. Good — nothing to undo. First job is picking a lane.The goblin's version: “what even is a dividend?”
LVL 1ScavengerCushion sorted, broker open, first small buy made — in whatever you chose.The goblin's version: the first few shares of a monthly income fund.
LVL 2HoarderThe portfolio says something back: a first payout, or a drop you sat through.The goblin's version: a first dividend too small to mention, screenshotted anyway.
LVL 3CollectorA system: automatic buys, several positions, and a number you're aiming at.The goblin's version: a payment calendar, with fat months and thin ones.
LVL 4Cave LordThe portfolio changes a real decision. This is where the goblin is.The goblin's version: the income covers real bills, in public, on the hoard.
LVL 5Wealth GoblinWork optional: the pot covers the cost of living. Goblin ETA: Jul 2029.The goblin's version: an ETA off the ledger, currently Jul 2029.

FIELD GUIDES

All guides →
Level 0 · 8 min
Growth or dividends? Match the portfolio to your paychequeGrowth probably suits you better than it suits the goblin. The test is your payslip, not your personality.
Level 0 · 6 min
What a dividend actually isA company makes money, keeps some, posts you the rest. That's it. Here's the whole thing with one boring example and zero jargon.
Level 0 · 7 min
Does it even pay a coupon?The one question that filters out most of the internet's investing pitches, and why a good growth company passes it just as easily as a dividend payer.
Level 0 · 7 min
Why this site shows real numbersWhy the goblin publishes the real ledger rather than round numbers and vibes, and where to go to see the cuts sitting at the same weight as the wins.
Level 1 · 7 min
Cash cushion firstWhy the emergency fund comes before the first buy, whichever lane you picked, and how your payslip decides how big it has to be.
Level 1 · 9 min
Your first £100 of boring yieldWhere the goblin put his first hundred quid and why, what the first payment looked like, and which bits of it apply whatever you decided to buy.
Level 2 · 8 min
Why the goblin buys funds, not stock picksWhy the goblin buys bags of names with a stated job, why the same argument makes an index fund the sane growth-lane default, and the honest exception sitting in the cave.
Level 3 · 8 min
Fat months, thin months: building a payment calendarHow to build a payment calendar that still pays in the thin months, using the goblin's real year rather than a made-up one.
Level 3 · 8 min
What is a freedom number?The annual income that would cover your life, worked from the goblin's Thai cost-of-living tiers and the number the cave actually aims at.
Level 3 · 8 min
Reinvest or spend? The snowball, honestlyDRIP versus taking the cash, run through the goblin's actual snowball, including the bit where "reinvest off" means the machine stops.
Level 4 · 8 min
When the income covers a bill: what changes and what doesn'tWhat actually changes when dividend income covers a real bill, what stubbornly doesn't, and why the goblin is still feeding the pile.
Level 4 · 8 min
Cuts happen: reading a dividend history like a grown-upHow to read a real dividend history, including the years a total dipped without the commitment being cut, using the four records on the hoard.
Level 5 · 8 min
Work optional is not retirementWhy "work optional" is a cashflow date rather than a retirement age, tied to the manifesto, and why the goblin still is not there.
Receipts

THE GOBLIN’S OWN HOARD, IN PUBLIC

Every share, every payout, every cut. Updated when cash lands, not before. This is what “a few levels ahead” looks like in actual numbers, so you can see the road, not just the sign.

Open the ledgerFreedom date: Jul 2029
LGEN£27,695a year · 126,000 shares
SMIF · DONE100,000shares · £500 a month for life
RECI15,770of 70,000 · 3p a quarter
NCYF23,050of 172,000 · the next pile
The goblin gets paid while you readReal rate: £37,379 a year, from the ledger. No cheating.

TODAY SO FAR

Since midnight, your time. Resets at 00:00 like a proper day job, except nobody had to turn up.

SINCE YOU ARRIVED

0 s on this page.
Per month£3,115
Per day£102.41
Per hour£4.27
While you slept (8h)£34.14
Jackpot · Level 5JUL 2029when this machine pays the whole cost of living

LATEST DISPATCHES

Sep 2026KYC Clipped the Wings→Sep 2026The Machine Fed Itself→Jul 2026Close Enough Counts→

THE CODE

01Boring income beats shiny speculation
02Freedom date beats Lambo date
03Research before conviction
04No guru funnel.