The six levels
LVL 0Hatchling
Where you areNothing invested yetMaybe some savings. Maybe a mate who won't shut up about a coin. You're not behind; you have nothing to undo. The first move isn't buying anything — it's working out whether your money should be chasing growth or paying you, and that starts with how steady your payslip is.The goblin's version: “what even is a dividend?”
To level upRead Growth or dividends? Match the portfolio to your paycheque Coming first — it decides how you read every rung above this one. Then What a dividend actually is, and try Does it even pay a coupon? Coming on the last thing someone tried to sell you. 
LVL 1Scavenger
Where you areCushion first, then one small buyA few months of expenses somewhere boring, a broker account, and the first purchase: a tracker, a growth fund, an income fund — whatever your lane turned out to be. Small enough that being wrong doesn't hurt, real enough that it's actually yours.The goblin's version: the first few shares of a monthly income fund.
To level upRead Cash cushion first Coming — that job is identical in every lane. Your first £100 of boring yield Coming is how the goblin sized his; steal the sizing rule, not the ticker. Then buy the thing and leave it alone.
LVL 2Hoarder
Where you areThe first real signalEither a payment landed, or you watched a position fall ten percent and didn't sell. Both count, and both teach the same thing. This is where most people get hooked and where most people get greedy. You did neither — you kept buying.The goblin's version: a first dividend too small to mention, screenshotted anyway.
To level upKeep the monthly buy running and don't get clever. Read Why the goblin buys funds, not stock picks Coming — that one is about single points of failure, and it holds whichever lane you're in.
LVL 3Collector
Where you areA system, not a hobbyBuys that happen every month without you thinking about them. Several positions, not one. You know your number — the income that covers life, or the pot you'd draw it from — and you've held the whole thing for a full year, including the boring stretch.The goblin's version: a payment calendar, with fat months and thin ones.
To level upWork your number out and write it somewhere you'll see it: read What is a freedom number? Coming. If your lane pays you on dates, put them on one page — Fat months, thin months: building a payment calendar Coming.
LVL 4Cave Lord
Where you areThe portfolio changes a real decision. The goblin is here.It covers a bill, or it is big enough that a bad year at work stops being a crisis. Either way the question changes from "can I afford this" to "when does work become optional".The goblin's version: the income covers real bills, in public, on the hoard.
To level upKeep the streak. Watch the goblin do exactly this, in public, on the hoard. Current ETA to Level 5: Jul 2029. 
LVL 5Wealth Goblin
WORK OPTIONAL. THE POT COVERS LIFE.
Income or drawdown — it does not matter which one got you here. Nobody on this site is here yet, including the one writing it. That's the point. You get to watch the last stretch happen.The goblin's version: an ETA off the ledger, currently Jul 2029.
